It's the eve of my 44th birthday, and I have to confess that I've been feeling quite melancholy as of late. I won't bore you, dear reader, with all the tedious details, but I think I can sum it up simply by saying that as midlife stares back at me each day in the mirror, I've been trying to figure out who I am, and what I want to do with my life for the next 44 years. But the other day, as I was doing some spring cleaning, I came across a bracelet that my dear friend, Bethanne, gave me on my wedding night. It's a beaded bracelet, with silver, white and soft blue stones, and on one end is a silver heart locket in which to place a hand written wish. Of course I remember her giving it to me that evening, but in the hubub of the festivities, I completely forgot what wish I quickly jotted down and stuck inside the tiny locket. So, when I came across the bracelet again the other day in my jewelry box, I couldn't help myself from unclasping the closure, and lifting the miniature scroll out of it's case. As I unrolled the small sheet of paper, I wondered what I had wished for five years ago, and then, when I saw what I wrote, I had to smile, because it was so quintessentially me that I should have guessed it all along...
And suddenly, I had clarity. Instead of worrying about my career, and finances, and writing, and cooking, and crafting, and everything else I seem to wrench my hands over endlessly, I decided that I am simply going to focus on A HAPPY LIFE. To me, that means doing my best to live in the moment; enjoying more ripe tomatoes, appreciating a massage when I get one (instead of making my shopping list during it), spending more time with friends and less time on the computer, breathing in lots of fresh air, and doing something each and every day that reminds me that life is gift that should not be taken for granted. Today, on the eve of my birthday, it meant being outside, and capturing my last day of 43, under the old magnolia tree in the front yard.
Tomorrow is a new day, and a new year, and I very much look forward to all it brings.