Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Codeine is my BFF. Patient, loving, faithful codeine; where would I be without you?! You see, without codeine I am most certain I would have hacked up one or both of my lungs--and quite possibly a few vital organs--sometime within the last forty eight hours, as a result of this Taliban-released scourge that has been feasting on my rotting respiratory system like a starving zombie at an all-you-can-eat brain buffet. But codeine knows I have suffered enough from this bane, and BF that it is, it can't bear to see me suffer any longer. Instead, codeine wants me to sleep the sleep of a milked up newborn, to spend 22 of the 24 hours that make up my day in an Amy Winehouse haze, watching mindless daytime television, eating nutritionless comfort foods, while laying prone on the sofa, surrounded by more pill bottles than the illegitimate love child of Michael Jackson and Courtney Love.

Codeine doesn't care that my cottage is a filthy mess, that Ricola wrappers and tissues litter every square inch of the floor like New Year's confetti, that dirty dishes are piled high in the sink. Nor is codeine repulsed by the fact that I have not showered in days, and am beginning to look like a deranged Yeti. Codeine understands that tidiness and personal hygiene come second to sweet, drugged slumber, and that there will be plenty of time for eyebrow tweezing and leg shaving once this pulmonary weapon of mass destruction has been defeated and destroyed.

I hold out hope that that day of defeat will soon come, but until then, I am eternally thankful to my BFF, codeine, for helping me forget about things like time, work deadlines, personal hygiene, diet and nutrition, exercise, and social committments, and allowing me instead to focus on important things like Judge Judy, The Dog Whisperer, I Love Lucy reruns and old Pink Panther cartoons.

Thanks, friend--you're the bestest!

Classic Hot Toddy (PRINT RECIPE CARD)
There are many variations of this hot drink which originated in the 18th century, but it's traditionally made with tea, whiskey or brandy, and honey. If you'd like, you can add a bit of cinnamon or cloves to it, substitute orange for the lemon, or top it off with a small pat of butter. However you enjoy it, it is sure to warm you up on a cold day. Me? I'm hoping it knocks the #$@* out of this pesky cough of mine, once and for all.

1 1/2 ounces whiskey (or brandy, if you prefer)
1 ounce honey
1/3 ounce fresh-squeezed lemon juice (or a slice of orange)
3 ounces boiling water or hot tea
Cinnamon stick (optional)
Pat of butter (optional)

Pour boiling water or tea into a mug with whiskey or brandy, honey and lemon juice. Enjoy!

1 comment:

cindy Lupica said...

thanks for the laugh! that was hilarious!

hope you're feeling better.