Saturday, February 14, 2009

A Word on February 14th



Well, here we are, gang--the oft dreaded, much ballyhooed, nauseatingly over-hyped Valentine's Day. I'm not sure what you guys are doing this evening, but me--I'm here eating wonton soup out of a plastic container, drinking a glass of cold pinot grigio, and trying to figure out if I want to tackle work projects or my book tonight, before popping a Tylenol PM at approximately 9:15 pm, and sliding into bed for a sweet eight hours of solid Zzz's.

Exactly one year ago yesterday I posted an entry called Tonight I Dream in Pink, and in that posting I wrote about the idea of being good to yourself on Valentine's Day, taking control of your own happiness + owning your life. Of course I had no idea at that time where my own life would take me; no one can predict the future, and I'm no exception. Last February I was married, and lived in a big home, in a town where I had put down roots, and where my closest friends were just up the street, and right around the corner. Little did I know that seven months later I would be living alone--away from that familiar town, and my friends, and my home, and my possessions--in a tiny cottage in a town where I probably know four people by name. And, while I realize that to many who are reading this, what I just wrote might seem very pitiful and sad, it's truly and honestly not. Because I set out on this journey to become not only the person I want to be, but the person I need to be + was destined to be. I am owning my life.

Tonight I own my life by not freaking out at the fact that I am eating wonton soup out of a plastic container on Valentine's Day. Instead I am celebrating the fact that I have chosen to spend this evening doing just that.

What I want to do.

When I want to do it.

And how I want to do it.

I'll take independence, and autonomy, and confidence, and spontaneity over chocolates and roses any day.

Happy Saturday Night,
Suzanne

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My 6 and 9 year old did our chinese dinner/own thing to night and I don't need a silly holiday to tell me when to tell those close to me that I love them, so Happy Saturday Night Suzanne:-)
From, Jennifer, your reader who sent this letter over the summer
"Suzanne, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My grandmother helped raise me and her passing was terrible for me. I hope that your parents and brothers are a comfort to you at this time. I am sure you are to them."

SUZANNE BROWN said...

Jennifer.

Couldn't agree more.

I am happy to meet you + it's so nice that we shared a meal tonight ; ) I've always had a weak spot for leftover Chinese food around midnight, eaten right out of the container, of course. Now I'm sorry I only brought home Wonton soup. I bet your fridge has some good late night snackin's...

Thanks for reading. Give the kids a big hug for me.

Love,
S

Anonymous said...

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, bravo to you for your courage and strength. Your Saturday night sounded perfect to me!

SUZANNE BROWN said...

Anonymous.

It took 44 years, but finally the head perched on top of my shoulders actually started working properly!

Thanks for the virtual pat on the back.

XX
Suzanne