Saturday, August 13, 2011

Pooh Sums it Up.

In early May of this year I mused about the upcoming summer of 2011. I shared with you, friends and readers, my hope that the dark cloud that had hung thick and low over my family for so long had finally been blown out to sea. But in all honesty I knew that it had not. Oh, I wanted to wish that it did--and maybe somehow thought that by proclaiming on this page that all was fine, that it would be--but deep in the pit of my being, I knew I was about to lose my father.

And that--along with the loss of my grandmother and the end of my marriage--finally explains my silence on this blog for the past several years.

I lost my wonderful father, John Miksad, to cancer on July 1st, at 9:35 in the evening. The day before he died I visited him in the hospital, never realizing it would be the last time I saw him conscious. How I wished I had stayed longer that afternoon, told him the things I always wanted to say, had not assumed I would be granted more time. Because by the next evening, as fireworks lit up the sky over New York City, my Dad slipped out of our lives, and back into the arms of his parents and Our Lord.

Six weeks later, even as I type these words, I can't believe I will never see my father again. How I long for just five more minutes with him, to tell him about the Yankee game I went to on Thursday and the two Jeter fly-balls we just missed, or to laugh about our junket to Saratoga last weekend and how the Old Man lost the car, or how I got to take a ride in the fire truck, or.......oh, there are a trillion things I want to tell him and truthfully, five minutes wouldn't be enough.

My Dad was a gentleman, a comedian, a listener, a faithful husband, an awesome grandfather, a solid friend, a decent human being, a gardener, a fisherman, a lover of summer, and the best Dad I could ever imagine or invent. I am so proud to have known him for 47 years.

Rest in Peace Yonk. Until we meet again, you're forever in my heart.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Summer 2011

It's fascinating what happens to a person when their world falls to pieces. Three years ago this weekend I wrote a blog called The Wedding Crasher. At that time I knew my life was about to change, but I had no idea to what extent. Back in May of 2008 I was married, I lived in that great old converted barn in Chappaqua, I was still on the creative high of having written my Summer book, and I had a small, close group of friends that I could not only count on, but more importantly, could truly be myself with.

My grandmother died a few weeks after posting The Wedding Crasher, and instead of us all healing and moving on after her death, things simply spiraled out of control in my life and the lives of everyone around me. It was as if every member of my family was tossed at sea in the middle of a Class 5 hurricane--at night--with nothing more than dime store water wings to keep us afloat, a book of matches to light our way.

Collectively we were a mess; personally, I was beyond lost. I was going through an unpleasant divorce (as if there is such a thing as a pleasant one), I had to relocate two times in two years, and I lost many of those close friends I thought I'd always be able to count on. I finally understood what it meant to be broken.

There were so many times I sat down at my computer to write--I wanted so desperately to get my creative voice back--but there was just nothing inside; I had zero to offer, not a word of advice or a positive thought to share. I went through each day putting one foot in front of the other, some days incapable of much more than the most basic day-to-day tasks; eating, working, sleeping. Even when I posted last year that I was 'back', I realize now that was really just wishful thinking; I was still waiting for the storm to settle, the seas to calm.

It's exactly three years since the dark clouds formed on the horizon, and today the sea is gentle and it is warm. My family has survived the storm and we are closer than ever from having weathered it together.

And I, I am in love.

I would like to introduce you all to The Old Man.

You'll be getting to know more about him as I once again share my life on these pages.
But for this weekend, another photo essay, just as I posted here three years ago this weekend. I hope you'll follow me here and on Twitter at

The official start of Summer 2011. The start of my new life.

I wish you all the happiness in the world and a beautiful Memorial Day weekend.